Sunday, February 5, 2012

Oh Where Oh 'Wear' have the Wardrobe Malfunctions Gone?

Just when I have my doubts about His existence, God proves to me that I have nothing to worry about in the afterworld. This time it came in the form of Madonna saying "I promise that there will be no wardrobe malfunction." Thank you again God. I will be sure to leave something extra in the collection plate this Sunday. But more on that later. We all have noticed that, besides a few instances (Black Eyed Peas, Justin Timberlake, etc), the Big Game's (which I have cleverly renamed since noone knows the rules of using the actual name in public) halftime show is always 25 to 30 years behind what's happening in entertainment today. Though the acts are pretty big with The Rolling Stones, Springsteen, etc.. whom I do love dearly and with such passion I may need to put a restraining order on myself, they are not quite what's driving the music and video charts today. When The Who played a few years ago it seemed like an Abbott and Costello skit. "Wow son, The Who's playing the Buper Sowl." "Who's playing dad?" "Yes" "Yes who?"...... "third base!" You get it. The younger generation and prime audience for the sponsors have no clue, except for their parent's vinyl records and cassette tapes, who these people are. Again, I do know, and am on the verge of having that secret creapy shrine room with their posters, pictures and candles, but the others in my generation and younger don't. So back to Madonna. Sorry but nobody south of 65 years old is looking forward to a wardrobe malfunction from her weird musclie body. Twenty five years ago most definatly yes, but now not so much. We all remember the original wardrobe malfunction incident. Why oh why did you not run with that, professional football guys? Let me explain something to you. The cable, satellite folks and even our old friend 'tevo' have been riding the wave ever since. Did you notice the price of cable and satellite these days? It's like 2000 times higher than it was back then. And people will not get rid of it! That is because there were enough lucky guys in the world to have had a dvr at the time. You know the one because it is still in your living room. With Duper Mole XXXVIII still saved and requiring a 'forgotten' password to remove. Noone is turning in that dvr no matter the rates. So please Pooper Roll halftime show planners, book Lady Gaga, Katy Perry, Rihanna or even Cee Lo Green and his way too short arms for that matter, because like it or not, male or female, we want that malfunction. Else we will just tune to the 'Puppy Bowl'. Shit...can I say that? I meant Guppie Knowle.


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