Sunday, January 8, 2012

Pet Peevers Exposed

I think the biggest pet peeve I have is pet peeves themselves. Everyone seems to have them.  People seem to  love them more when they have peeves in common. The 'Commonite  Peevers' are quite entertaining once they get on a roll. It usually starts off with a peever peeving about a pet peeve from something they noticed earlier in the day. For example "I just hate it when people don't clean all of the snow off their car. It blows all over and I almost skidded off the road on my way here." Somehow this peever left out the part where she was fixing her hair, checking her lipstick in the rear view mirror and sending a text all at the same time. Peever two usually responds with "I know, it's like they have no consideration for anyone else. You know what else drives me crazy?....." And so it goes on and on until they have linked three or four common peeves. The Commonite Peever needs to do this to expand their peeving circles. Kind of like Facebook networking where you obtain 7 million 'friends' by requesting and accepting everyone that ever went to your high school or kind of recognizes your face from a friend's friend's dorm party. Although you check the little box that keeps you from having to read any of their posts, you need them to pad your social stats.  The 'Secret Peever' comes in many different forms but is most commonly the guy that will listen to your every single word and give you a visually favorable  response, like a head nod or a slightly open mouthed smile, all the while you are absolutely repulsing them to the core the way you keep running your tongue across your top lip at the end of every sentence. Thinking to himself, "For God's sake man, what the hell is wrong with your top lip?!? Do you have a cold sore coming on? Is there cherry chapstick on it or something? Just cut it out!" This is usually the newbie in the office or school that needs some friends and doesn't want to blow it just yet.  They will eventually common up, but for now keep it to themselves or significant others. Another type of peever is the 'Creepy Peever', not to be confused with the 'Peevert', which I will talk about later. The Creepy Peever is the dude that is always walking by you in the office and looks up just enough to catch you doing something that pisses him off. He then continues to stare at the floor while scornfully mumbling to himself just loud enough for you to make out the following words - "always gotta be.....makes me wanna......if I wasn't...I'd..." From this you kind of get the point but are not sure, so you shake it off and hope he gets fired for doing whatever he keeps mumbling, to your boss. Every office has a 'Daily Peever'. This is the one who can't stand at least one completely unique thing for every calendar day. If you catch this person on a Monday morning you will be served with a 'Tri Peeve'. It will effectively catch you up on the weekend as well as the kickoff to the week peeves. "It drives me nuts when people invite themselves over to visit when I'm in my pajamas and don't get me started on these idiots at the supermarket that park in the handicap spot with their really expensive cars with their handicap tags. If they have so much money then why can't they pay to not be handicapped or at least get a chauffeur? It's not fair and did you see what that new weirdo that keeps talking to the floor was wearing? I mean, why would any guy wear white patent leather shoes anymore, you know?" Boom, you just got TriPeeved. Just try your hardest to resist agreeing. Unless of course you need to deepen your commonite peeving mafia. As for the 'Peeverts' I brought up earlier, this one is by far the funniest of the peevers. Unfortunately we will have to get into this one next time. (note: the most common peeve people have is to the term 'to be continued')


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