Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Quick thought: Ode to the guy ahead of me who's not late for work.

For anyone who needs to leave their house and commute to work, via driving themselves, you all have experienced the 'guy who's not late for work'. The other 99.9% of us on the other hand are running late for work and would appreciate if he could join the crowd.  So I offer this ode to him. We are the many, who would like to be on time and would be if not for you ol' Mr. I Got Up Extra Early So I Could Eat Breakfast And Then Drive Really Really Really Slow guy. You may have missed this class of driver ed so on behalf of all of us walking a thin line at work I will enlighten you on the rules of morning driving. First of all, the speed limit means the lower limit. You may drive as fast as you would like but driving less than this limit will make it hazardous to those of us going with the flow. We have no desire to use the brake pedal unless it's to prevent flipping on turns, which will  cause us to be even later.  A yellow traffic light by no means signals you to slow down. It is merely a warning that you are running out of time to make it through the intersection, so hurry it up. Another big no no that is not only frowned upon but pretty much instantly will cause profanity and hexes to be cast your way is to pause for the eleven seconds it takes for you to process the changing of a light from red to green. This should not catch you by surprise. And finally and most importantly, never by the grace of God ever, let a school bus pull in front of you. You may be selfishly thinking of your own karma at this point, but the 38 cars stuck behind you forced to stop at every third driveway for eight miles will negate that karma with an egg McMuffin and large black coffee to your windshield. So please guy who is always on time for work, set your alarm clock for an hour later, sleep in a bit and join us. For you are a danger to those of us with no time to scrape more than a few small eye holes into the frost on our early morning frozen windshields. Oh and before I forget, to the lady who was somehow almost magically driving on two wheels between the two lanes of traffic with that frantic "I'm late for my meeting" look on her face, hats off to you.


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